My name is Matt and I live in America. I am gay and I knew when I was 12, when I first developed a crush on a guy. Let me give a bit of my family history which might help a bit:

My father is a prescription drug addict, and my mom is getting there as well. They dislike each other and the only reason they aren't divorced is because we cannot afford it. My father is extremely homophobic and doesn't know about me (because he'd throw me out of the house if he knew.) He's also Christian. He gave me a terrible impression of Christ and God because I thought "If this is what it means to be Christian, then I don't want anything to do with it!"

Anyway, that's my basic history. So, from the time I was old enough to about a year ago, I was repulsed by Christianity. I wanted nothing to do with it.

I started studying all of the world's religions when I was 16 (I am 19 now.) I became Wiccan, because I thought it was the truth. It quickly turned out that it wasn't, so I left. It was about this time I was diagnosed with the beginning of a terrible brain disease. I started believing that a demon was trying to kill me. This is a story for another time, but I actually think there was something after me that I allowed to come near me because of the occult that I was practicing at the time. No one believed me, though.

After the intial wave of symptoms passed, I thought I was cured. So I started studying religion again (because, as I thought, Wicca caused me to become possessed, so it obviously wasn't correct.) I found many religions which sounded good, but I converted to Islam. I heard about the "Scientific Miracles" in the Qur'an and researched them and became convinced. I started praying five times a day and doing other things which I felt were neccessary.

For those who don't know, Islam HATES homosexuality. The lowest punishment required for an act of homosexuality is 100 floggings. The most common punishment, however, is death. And in Muslim contries, this is actually enforced. I Thank God that I'm in America.

I was scared to leave, because supposedly Allah will not let you rejoin his "truth" if you leave once. You get that one chance, and then you're out. Anyone who rejoins is just "pretending." This is what is says in the Qur'an, by the way. It isn't just Muslim tradition. The "Most Merciful" requires that you find his "truth" and stick to it for the rest of eternity. Even one slip into another religion, and you can never come back. Ever.

Anyway, I tried conversion. I prayed constantly to Allah to convert me to be a "good, straight Muslim." It was all I wanted at the time. I started hating my gay friends. I started hating myself. I couldn't love myself. I devoted myself entirely to Allah and decided that I wasn't worthy of having a good life because I was so evil. I decided that I would devote my entire time to Allah because I wasn't worthy to do anything else. I was just too evil.

I finally left this boat load of lies and stopped being religious altogether. My life was getting even worse and I was spiraling down. I stopped going to college. I stopped having fun. I still hated myself (ingrained habits die hard.) Anytime gay issues were raised I just wanted to cry and leave the room. I still felt in my heart that God must hate me (when, in reality, it was only "Allah" who ever hated me.)

Then God began to reach out to me. He started sending me little massages that had meaning only to me. For instance, if a certain song came on the radio when I was thinking about God. Little things like that.

Then a true sign from God came late one night. I know it was a true sign and not just a coincidence. I was riding with my mom and brother when I was thinking about how I should rejoin "God's true religion." At the time I was considering Christianity, but only in the back of my mind. Islam was what I was thinking of mainly. But I couldn't help feeling like God ("Allah") could never forgive me. You know what? Allah couldn't. God could and did.

Well these thoughts crossed my mind and I looked out the window. We were just passing a Church with a big white steeple. I thought "whoa. That was weird. Now, what was I thinking about?" I continued to think about Islam and Allah. I sighed and looked out the window again and we passed the exact same white steeple. I felt a little funny. I was thinking it was an odd coincidence. Finally a little inner voice said that if I saw a third one that it would be a sign. I looked out and it took a few seconds, but we passed a third one, identical to the last two except a little further away. I knew it was a sign, but of what I didn't know. As we were coming back on the identical route, I looked for these steeples. I found not even one Church or steeple along the way.

I started researching Christianity and was still revolted in the beginning. I joined Gnosticism at first, but left it quickly. Fianlly I started researching "Gay Christian" on Google. I found your site as well as a few others. I had to read a few to confirm all of the facts, because it sounded too good to be true. But now I know it's the truth. With the sign that I got and all of the little things that have been pointing me in the right direction (which would take quite awhile to list) I now know that Christ is Lord. I asked a few days ago for Him to forgive my sins and to help me stay on the right path. I also know that God loves gays just as much as everyone else.

I want to thank you for your great site and I want to thank Jesus for saving me when I was at the bottom of everything. Thank you thank you thank you! May the Lord bless you and may you find peace. You are doing a wonderful thing!

And to anyone who has a parent who isn't the perfect embodyment of Christ, remember, you won't be either. We are all sinners. But no matter how complacent about God or evil they are, don't let him/her make you leave God. You don't have to be complacent about what God says. Your relationship with God is yours. You won't have to answer for anyone but yourself on the day of Ressurection. Forgive them and ask God to forgive you. It works. Trust me, I've done it. :-)