Hi there
 
I just wanted to share something that over the years has become apparent to me and is vitally important to the sanity and spirituality of gay Christians.
 
As Christians we believe that everything that comes into our lives is either ordained or allowed by God. We live in the security that nothing comes to us that hasn’t by-passed his attention first – good and bad things. Why then do we forget this basic principal when we realise we are attracted to a person of the same sex?
 
Do we think that God closed his eyes for a minute just to open them and realise that a few of his children had been turned into homosexuals? No, the bible tells us that everyday of our life is written in his book even before one comes to pass – this includes the day that we realised our attraction. Your homosexuality did not and does not come as a surprise to God, even before you were born he knew the day would come that you would be attracted to someone of the same sex.
 
Whether God ordained the attraction of allowed it means that he has a plan for it and that plan does not include running away from him – as so many of us did and still do.
 
The devil lures us into the belief that we can’t be both gay and a Christian but this is simply not the truth.
 
It is easy for satan to sell this lie to us because we ourselves believe that being gay is wrong – we have been told this by the church for so many years and are still hearing it from them. Where exactly in the bible does it say that being gay is wrong? The answer is nowhere. The bible can be interpreted as stating that the acts of homosexual sex are wrong;
 

Leviticus 18:22
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." (other verses in Leviticus tell you that eating certain types of seafood is an abomination and wearing mixed blend fibres)
 
Leviticus 20:13:
"And if a man lie with mankind, as with womankind, both of them have committed abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."
 
but nowhere does it state that being attracted to someone of the same sex is wrong. The verses above and the other verses used to condemn homosexuality do appear to condemn homosexual sex however when you actually do some study into these verses you will find that things aren’t as black and white as they appear.
 
Even if we do go with the assumption that the bible does condemn homosexual sex – why does the church make this sin bigger than any of the others? Because the bible says it’s an ‘abomination’ is the answer that I often get back. Well if you have a good read through Leviticus you will find that it also says that eating certain types of sea food is an ‘abomination’ and wearing mixed blend fibres is an ‘abomination’. I don’t see people rushing about closing down the nearest seafood restaurants. God doesn’t see in degrees of sin so why should we.
 
I have just gone through the most amazing year with God – a very hard year but an amazing one. God has told me that he wants me to spend my life with a woman (he has even told me who she is). I didn’t believe it was him telling me at first, I just put it down to my over active imagination. I couldn’t accept that God was actually telling me something so huge. But, like King Hezekiah, I decided I should ask for a sign. The sign was very specific – I didn’t want it to be something that was likely to happen.
 
On the 9th August last year my sign arrived – exactly what I had asked for. I still couldn’t accept it!!! I just couldn’t get my head around the fact that God could actually be telling me something so huge – after 5 years of being confused and struggling with the issue, here I was possibly being told by God that he was ok with gay relationships.
 
So I proceed to ask for confirmation of the sign – on four separate occasions I asked for confirmation and on four separate occasions the confirmation came.
 
At one point I was abit freaked out as my sister (who is very close to God) told me that she thought I was being deceived by the devil (like I hadn’t thought of that myself). Because I wasn’t sure that it was definitely God telling me – I freaked out! I prayed so hard about it and God spoke to me, as he often does through my daily reading. The daily reading actually said ‘if the devil was in control of your situation you would have fallen of the wheel a long time ago’. That was me satisfied.
 
I have no doubt about what God has told me and retold me and retold and retold me. I really did need some convincing and as always God was patient with me.
 
I just want to encourage you to seek God and stick with him – nothing that happens in your life or comes into your life ever surprises him. He has a plan for you and that includes where you are now and how you are feeling. Instead of running from him just run to him and tell him you’re scared and confused and you don’t know what the heck is going on. God calls us to be truthful and honest – that includes being honest with yourself and honest with him.
 
I hope at least some of you find this encouraging. If you would like to speak more about this or hear more about my story then please just contact me.
 
Love in him
Cindy
Miss Cindy McCarron
2 Saughton Mains Loan
Edinburgh
EH11 3PP
Scotland
UK